Name: Liz
Age: 17
Location: Dallas, TX
I am a: cutter, smoker, drinker, lover, hater and a bitch. I don't care what you say about me because I wont change for you. I have severe depression. People have called me a slut but I like to think I just enjoy the company of men. Message me if you need advise. I am really good at listening and being honest. Hit me up.
| Disorder | Your Score |
|---|---|
| Major Depression: | Very High |
| Dysthymia: | High-Moderate |
| Bipolar Disorder: | Extremely High |
| Cyclothymia: | Extremely High |
| Seasonal Affective Disorder: | High |
| Postpartum Depression: | N/A |
| Take the Depression Test | |
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Still awake
Can’t sleep
I tried so hard to not step on her toes and then I did. GOD DAMIT. IT’S NOT FUCKING FAIR. I TRY SO FUCKING HARD TO BE….nice….it just never works.
She has everything I wanted. I am not envious or jealous….. I just feel like a failure….because that’s all I am.
So I had another melt down.
I was so angry after the office messed up some paperwork. So I got in a bad mood and stayed there.
I had to Write about what the theatre department means to me for a scholarship application. I just wanted to cry when I did it. It upset me soo much!
Then I was supposed to work on my cat dissection but my teacher said, too late, sorry.
So I shut down. I went and say in a small closed in corner area I my bffs moms room and tried not to cry.
I wanted to get these feelings out of me so I wrote EVERYTHING down. I wrote everything. I was so upset after I did it and saw what I have been doing I lost it. I went to the office shaking and my face was red red red. Cheatham was like , oh god, let’s talk. I tried to tell her I was fine but she knew I was full of crap. I gave her my paper. She. Read. Every. Thing.
Idk what to do. Part of me
Wants her to know exactly what is going on with the drugs but the other part knows I can’t until I graduate.
But for those who do read this pathetic life of mine, I waited two hours to talk to the guidance councler ( Mrs. Cheatham) because she told me I needed to check in with her daily now. Two fucking hours. THEN. Never even got to see her.
I left a not on her desk saying I had emailed her two hours ago and said I was in the empty room in the office and to please come get me when she was done. Well she never fucking did!!!
But my note. I wrote ” guess I’ll see you whenever”
I just don’t know what to do. Part of en wants to tell her everything. Part of me wants to tell her nothing. But part of me wants her to be my new BFF.
It’s not like anyone actually reads this shit anyways.
Yah so my mom told me I need to start sleeping with her again! Fuck that shit!!!!! She even went to sleep before I even went into her room.
She kinda cares but idk. I just wish she actually was concerned. Idk. Like she doesn’t care it seems like. Mayr its that she is petrified but idc if she doesn’t care.
Yah do I’m 100% considering taking liquor to class tomorrow and drinking it throughout the day. I’m fucking done man. I just cant do the fake smiles and shit.
If I was a fourth year old man I would be the divorced lonely, alcoholic, who goes to work drunk and passes out in alleys.
Drugs drugs drugs! MAGICAL DRUGS! The more you take the less you want to kill yourself.
Trying not to cut. If you wan to help- find me tomorrow or when ever and draw a butterfly on my arm.
Did this drunk on 2 coffee cups full of rum and taking hydro. WHOOO
Had more rum than I know today. Actually made my afternoon bore bare able.
So yah! Fuck the world! Mix your drugs and drink till you forget.
I think I have found a solution. Liquor maybe?
Idk what the fuck to do. In waiting for Mrs. Cheatham and she is no where. They told me to send her an email and wait…that was like 30 mins ago. whatever. Idk what to tell her anyways.
I don’t give a shit anymore. Fuck everything.
I feel kinda done.
